Stealth Chemical "Diplomacy"

I've been advocating an idea for some time now: Weaponized Marijuana. The gist is that the U.S. could stealthily deploy THC emissions in and around unstable areas of the world (read: the Middle East), and convert the Jihad into a Phish concert. Peace would necessarily follow: Instead of trying to obtain weapons of mass destruction, Al-Qaeda would try to obtain Doritos; Their caves would be filled with black lights, and they would all start watching Adult Swim instead of Al-Jazeera.

Though I believed my little idea was nothing but a fantasy, a recent article in Wired reports that the Department of Defense is indeed in the process of developing weapons from some of our most favorite illegal substances, including THC, LSD, PCP, Valium, Ketamine, and other "club drugs." These new chemical weapons are euphemistically being called "calmatives." The U.S. Army’s Edgewood Chemical Biological Center defines a calmative agent as:

an antipersonnel chemical that leaves the victim awake and mobile but without the will or ability to meet military objectives or carry out criminal activity.

Sounds like pot to me.

However, the military is forgetting something kind of important. It is my understanding that followers of the Islamic faith are prohibited from consuming intoxicants, including alcohol or narcotics. If the government uses ecstasy or some heroin derivative to quell hostiles during military action in the Middle East, it might be taken as an especially horrific form of violence, akin to placing the Qur'an in a toilet or drawing a cartoon of Muhammad. The kind of thing that might turn allies into enemies. [Of course, such consumption might not be considered sinful unless it is voluntarily consumed. Depends on how reasonable they are. . . . nevermind.]

Therefore, the military might have to be extremely careful not to be too open about what it is doing, and perhaps pair up the new weaponry with some old standard such as tear gas to cloak its effects. If the public is aware of these methods, it might backfire and cause more harm than good. So, um . . . forget everything I just wrote. . . especially if you're a terrorist.