Ladies: These are the top five reactions your man will have to Eat Pray Love-- if you can force him to watch Eat Pray Love.
2. Your man will be outraged that they decided to play "Der Hölle Rache kocht in meinem Herzen" from Mozart's "The Magic Flute" while Julia Roberts slurped up her first magical bites of spaghetti in Italy. She's orgasmically experiencing the essential Italian food, and the movie is accompanying it with an angry aria in German composed by an Austrian! Have you ever heard of Puccini or Verdi, Ryan Murphy? Have you? There are plenty of perfectly good Italian operas you could have chosen from. Jeez. [Ed. note: No man will actually notice this].
3. Your man will wonder how Liz Gilbert could travel all the way to India to study under a guru that lives in New York City. Gilbert's a writer! Doesn't she know how to do research? This is highly unbelievable.
4. Your man will be impressed by the stand-out performance of Richard Jenkins as "Richard from Texas", the blustery bowhard with a tragic past who prods Liz Gilbert with motivational drivel during her stay at the Indian ashram. Your man will also most likely recognize Jenkins primarily from Farrelly Bros. movies, but your man might have also seen Jenkins in his understated Oscar-nominated role in The Visitor (which is kind of like the American version of Dirty Pretty Things, i.e. an emotional tale of the hardships surrounding illegal immigration).
5. Your man will grudgingly accept that Javier Bardem is a sexy, rugged, manly man, but he'll harbor the secret joyful knowledge that Bardem is not exactly handsome. The man is all face. There's just too much of it. It's like he's some strange, handsome-ish mash up of Brad Garrett, a neanderthal, and Mask.